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The Anxiety of Change

As an anxious person, doing something like quitting your job is completely unnerving. Yes I’m beyond excited to leave this job behind and to move on to bigger and better things, but as I enter this final week it is becoming clear that this is not an easy transition….for a few reasons. Anxiety

Giving Up Ownership

Having been in my role for over 5 years, I have a feeling of ownership over many areas of my job.  There are upcoming events that I have planned, partnerships formed and budgets in jeopardy.  I am working diligently to get a plan in place before I leave, but there is part of me that is having trouble giving it all up.  It’s hard to think of someone taking over all of the hard work you have spent years creating.  You don’t want to see it changed or fail.  I know I need to just let go and move on but I have pride in the work that I’ve done. Although you might not be able to tell my my desk at the moment…

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Seeing How My Decision Affects Others

This has by far been the best decision for me, but it is hard to watch how something so good for me has such an impact on others.  First are my colleagues.  This has dropped a large amount of additional work on them and due to poor management (a large part of why I’m leaving) it looks like it will be awhile before my position will be filled to fill that void. It also has made a few people have to make tough decisions about their own positions that they wouldn’t have thought about otherwise.  

Second are our members and the community. I work for a non-profit, member based association.  All the work we do is for the benefit of our members whether it be through education, legislative efforts, business partnerships, group discounts, etc…  By benefiting the members, we provide service to the community at large.  I would hate to see things fall through the cracks and have a negative impact on that side.

Yes, I know this all sounds very egotistical.  Can my resignation REALLY have such a big impact?  Maybe it won’t, maybe it will actually be good for the organization to get some new blood and some new ideas in there.  Honestly, I really hope so! However seeing how this is all being handled, it’s making me concerned.

Stepping Into the Unknown

Oh I don’t deal well with the unknown.  I often times wish I was a risk taker.  Someone who could go whichever way the wind takes them and figure it all out along the way.  Nope.  I’m a planner.  I like organization (I know…it doesn’t look like it from the state of my desk!).  I like structure.  I like spreadsheets!  So this leap of faith is nerve-wracking!  

As I get closer to being out of my current position and finally on the road to doing something I love, I am getting SO MOTIVATED! Yes, I’m nervous.  Yes, I’m having frequent panic attacks.  But you know what?  I’m happy.  For the first time in a long time, I can say that I actually feel happy.  My family hears it in my voice over the phone.  I keep spitting out ideas at B (he probably wants to kill me by now!).  I see opportunity EVERYWHERE!  Oh man…I’m so ready to do this.

Change is terrifying. Whether it be a job, a move, a child, a relationship…it’s all scary and that fear is what stops so many of us from finding and doing what we love in life.  I know that it has stopped me for YEARS! No more.  I’m doing this and I’m going to be happy and healthy from now on.  I’m going to BE RAD!  I hope you will too. 🙂

How are you going to BE RAD this year?!

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4 Responses to The Anxiety of Change

  1. You are brave in every way. I guess us Pisces have a small problem of putting all on the table. But the time is now. A quote that I read every now and then helps sometimes. It’s by ray bradbury…

    “If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go in business because we’d be cynical: ‘It’s gonna go wrong.’ Or ‘She’s going to hurt me.’ Or ‘I had a couple of bad love affairs so therefore …’

    “Well, that’s nonsense. You’re going to miss life. You’ve got to jump off the cliff all the time and build your wings on the way down.”

  2. Congrats on taking the bold step to change! Believe me I understand exactly how you feel. After 17 years in one place it was super anxious for us to leave our “home” but ,like you, there were things that encouraged us to make a change and for me it was to get back to something I love too. We made that decision about a year ago now and love what we do! You will too! It is hard leaving people behind and there were things that got worse because I left, but life goes on and they will survive. You will make your new workplace better just by showing up but you will make it GREAT because of your passion and drive!!!

    • Thank you so much!!
      I’m so happy for you and Vanessa that you have found your happiness again. I can’t think of more deserving people! xo

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