Is Honesty Really The Best Policy?
|September 2, 2014||Posted by Sarah under Inspiration & Reflection, Ulcerative Colitis|
It’s been one of those weeks…where words either bite you in the ass or slap you in the face! Either way it stings…
I had a jaw dropping encounter yesterday that stopped me in my tracks and left me on the verge of tears for quite some time. It also left me contemplating not only the words of others, but MY words.
Yesterday I went to CVS to pick up my monthly prescription of Mesalamine. I’ve never been shy about talking about my Ulcerative Colitis. I want to share my ups, my downs, my crappy days…literally. I’ve found comfort in talking with others who struggle with this disease and I hope to do the same for others. However being open about talking about my disease does not mean it’s cool for others to make jokes about it. Most people are on an oral form of this drug, but not me. It’s believed that the oral form is what 7 years ago caused Acute Pancreatitis, a life threatening inflammation of the pancreas…no bueno. Since I can no longer take the medication systemically, I now have to give myself nightly enemas. Yup…this has been my reality for the past 5+ years. Does it always work? No. Does it keep my symptoms at bay for the most part? Yes. Have I ever declared this publicly? No. It has been something I’ve only shared with my close family and friends, and here is why…
Ok really? Do I have to explain why? There is something taboo in our society when it comes to talking about your bowel movements, which is kind of ridiculous because it effects ALL of us! Yes, we all poop…let’s get over it. Well maybe I should listen to my own advice.
Back to picking up that prescription of 4 giant boxes of enemas yesterday. Because of the stigma associated with it, it’s never the most comfortable experience, but over time I’ve just learned to deal with it. That was until today when the dude behind the counter said, “What, is this all for a party?” Really?!?! You work at a pharmacy and this is what you say to someone?? I wish I had some witty comeback for him, but I was so shocked that all I managed to say was “I wish!” Ugh.
I left as quickly as I could, got back to my car and was rattled. I texted B to tell him what happened and he immediately had that witty response for the dude to made me chuckle, but I was still upset for most of the day, which got me to thinking… That dude didn’t mean any harm, at least I hope he didn’t. I think he was just trying to lighten an awkward situation, but just didn’t do it in the best way. In a way, he was just being honest. Which led me to start reflecting on my own honesty this past week.
In the span of one week, I have managed to seriously offended two of my closest friends due to my honesty. When I get close to people, I don’t hold back. I share my true feelings and I’ve come to realize that it can be a bit harsh sometimes. Maybe my delivery comes out cruel when it was meant to be joking, or maybe a truthful remark is just too harshly conveyed…I’m not sure. Maybe that brutal honesty isn’t always the best policy, even if I think I’m just being funny, helpful, whatever….maybe it’s just hurtful. Hurtful like the CVS dude was to me.
I have since apologized to my friends and hopefully they aren’t holding resentments (they told me they weren’t so I hope not!!!) but that doesn’t mean this past week hasn’t been an incredible learning experience for me. It’s important to choose your words wisely, especially with the ones you love because those words mean even more to them. I would never purposefully hurt them…I love them. However this doesn’t only hold true just for the ones you love…we should be kind and thoughtful to everyone, even that douchey CVS dude 😉 We all have our faults, but I hope and believe that most humans actually give a shit about each other and want to be kind. But with that, does it mean that honesty isn’t always the best policy?
I love my friends and family…more than I could ever express in words, but sometimes maybe too much where I say things that shouldn’t be said, or that could be just softened a bit. I find it hard to find my filter at times, but all I can do is learn from my mistakes and keep getting better.