Posts Tagged by dreams

So That’s It???

Friday I left a job after 5 and half years.  I did it with a clear head and no regrets.  It was the best decision for me.  It has caused me a ton of anxiety and honestly I still feel like I have to get up and go to work tomorrow.  This is an exciting new chapter, but I can help but be slightly sad.

I spent my last week cleaning my desk, tying up loose ends and getting as much detail together about upcoming projects as I could.

Last-Day-Clean-Desk

I tossed a giant garbage bin full of paper.  I tossed 5 years of work, of my life.  All of my things, reduced to one bag.

Five-Years-in-a-bag

It didn’t seem real until the final few days….basically when the talking stopped.  Everyone was quiet around me, there was a lot of whispering.  I started feeling uncomfortable and I just wanted to leave.  I worked in a small 6 person office which made it even more awkward.  On Thursday, I cried as I said goodbye to my coworker who has been my partner these past 5 years.  She started about a month after me and she will be leaving a week after me.  We shared a brain and many laughs…that was hard.

On my last day, I was at my desk for 2 hours before anyone talked to me and that was another coworker who I’m friendly with.  About an hour later, my manager came over hugged me goodbye and wished me well.  Told me to keep in touch.  It felt genuine, but that’s what you say, right?

It’s no secret that I have had a strained relationship with our CEO ever since she came on board 3 years ago.  We never saw eye to eye and to say she is lacking in integrity is an understatement.  That is what ultimately led to my decision to leave.  You can only work for someone like that for so long before it really begins to take a toll on your own integrity. I’ve always enjoyed the work I’ve done, our Board of Directors and our members.  I would’ve loved to help grow the Association even more, we do great work, but when you see that bad decisions are being made and your work is not being represented appropriately or valued…it’s time to move on.

I’m sure she was happy to see me go.  No one to challenge her anymore, no one to see through her.  This was clear by how I was treated like a stranger in my final days.  Just a goodbye and a wave as I walked out the door.  No thank you, no lunch, no card.  5+ years of hard work and dedication reduced to a smile and a wave.  That was it…  I didn’t expect much, but I couldn’t help but feel horrible as I walked out the door.  I came home and felt sad on a day I should be celebrating my new life.  

But all can be cured with good people, good food and a lot of laughs 🙂  B took me out to our favorite restaurant Caseus where I had the most delicious Stonington scallops followed by lemon cheesecake.  

Caseus-New-Haven-Local-Scallops

Caseus-New-Haven-Lemon-Cheesecake-Cappucino

Then some good friends came over and we drank a lot of wine and watched funny videos until 3 am.  I even got congratulatory flowers!

Flowers

And that’s what life is really about.  Not the people who bring you down, but the people who lift you up.  The experiences that make you smile, make you feel good.  I’m proud of the work that I’ve done, but those last few days really made it clear that I was not meant to be there anymore.  While I’m still a little sad, I know that will all go away next week when I can really focus on me.  On what I want to do.  How lucky am I?  No room for sadness here…good riddance.   

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The Anxiety of Change

As an anxious person, doing something like quitting your job is completely unnerving. Yes I’m beyond excited to leave this job behind and to move on to bigger and better things, but as I enter this final week it is becoming clear that this is not an easy transition….for a few reasons. Anxiety

Giving Up Ownership

Having been in my role for over 5 years, I have a feeling of ownership over many areas of my job.  There are upcoming events that I have planned, partnerships formed and budgets in jeopardy.  I am working diligently to get a plan in place before I leave, but there is part of me that is having trouble giving it all up.  It’s hard to think of someone taking over all of the hard work you have spent years creating.  You don’t want to see it changed or fail.  I know I need to just let go and move on but I have pride in the work that I’ve done. Although you might not be able to tell my my desk at the moment…

Office-Mess      

Seeing How My Decision Affects Others

This has by far been the best decision for me, but it is hard to watch how something so good for me has such an impact on others.  First are my colleagues.  This has dropped a large amount of additional work on them and due to poor management (a large part of why I’m leaving) it looks like it will be awhile before my position will be filled to fill that void. It also has made a few people have to make tough decisions about their own positions that they wouldn’t have thought about otherwise.  

Second are our members and the community. I work for a non-profit, member based association.  All the work we do is for the benefit of our members whether it be through education, legislative efforts, business partnerships, group discounts, etc…  By benefiting the members, we provide service to the community at large.  I would hate to see things fall through the cracks and have a negative impact on that side.

Yes, I know this all sounds very egotistical.  Can my resignation REALLY have such a big impact?  Maybe it won’t, maybe it will actually be good for the organization to get some new blood and some new ideas in there.  Honestly, I really hope so! However seeing how this is all being handled, it’s making me concerned.

Stepping Into the Unknown

Oh I don’t deal well with the unknown.  I often times wish I was a risk taker.  Someone who could go whichever way the wind takes them and figure it all out along the way.  Nope.  I’m a planner.  I like organization (I know…it doesn’t look like it from the state of my desk!).  I like structure.  I like spreadsheets!  So this leap of faith is nerve-wracking!  

As I get closer to being out of my current position and finally on the road to doing something I love, I am getting SO MOTIVATED! Yes, I’m nervous.  Yes, I’m having frequent panic attacks.  But you know what?  I’m happy.  For the first time in a long time, I can say that I actually feel happy.  My family hears it in my voice over the phone.  I keep spitting out ideas at B (he probably wants to kill me by now!).  I see opportunity EVERYWHERE!  Oh man…I’m so ready to do this.

Change is terrifying. Whether it be a job, a move, a child, a relationship…it’s all scary and that fear is what stops so many of us from finding and doing what we love in life.  I know that it has stopped me for YEARS! No more.  I’m doing this and I’m going to be happy and healthy from now on.  I’m going to BE RAD!  I hope you will too. 🙂

How are you going to BE RAD this year?!

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A Brief Encounter Leading to Inspiration

Leap-of-Faith

After a less than inspiring day at work last week, I got suited up in my workout clothes, ready to take on the day’s WOD.  I actually wasn’t looking forward to the WOD because it looked like a suckfest, but I was determined to struggle through it because I’m no longer taking the easy road.

Oh hello traffic accident that held me up for and extra 30 minutes on the way home and made me miss my CrossFit class…you are the suck!  This holiday traffic is the pits!  I didn’t know what to do with my evening, so I decided to head to the store to get something fresh and healthy for dinner to counterbalance my lack of exercise.

I walked around the store in a daze and frankly was kind of bummed from my lame day, until I heard “Hey Girl!”  I look up and it’s my friend Ali who I haven’t seen in almost 6 months.  She was these getting dinner with her daughter and it was such a pleasant surprise running into her.  This year Ali decided to take a leap of faith and follow her dreams. She has been a huge inspiration to me and I found my mood turned around just almost instantaneously.

As I drove home, I realized how lucky I am to have strong, supportive people in my life.  People who follow their heart and not the mainstream.  People who put their own happiness above all else.  People who believe in themselves and in others.  These people may think that they are only doing what is best for them, but in reality they are setting examples for those around them.  

One day I will take that leap of faith.  One day I will have the courage to follow what my heart is telling me to do.  But until that day, I will continue to be inspired by my friends and follow along in their inspirational journeys until I can begin my own.  The time is growing near…

Who or what inspires you? 

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11-11 {Make A Wish}

Magic-Kingdom-Wishes-Fireworks

Wishes!

When I first met B if he noticed that it was 11:11 (either am or pm), he always said “Make A Wish!”  I had never heard of this before, but I loved the idea of it.  I’ve heard of the usual wish suspects: stars, wells, dandelions, but never a time.  In the past nine years, I have adopted this little tradition and it has actual become very special to us.  

Now whenever we see that it is 11:11 we not only make a wish, but we now think of each other.  He’s the first thing that pops in my head when I see time on the clock, then I’ll make a wish.  Maybe it’s a small one, like “Ugh, I hope this meeting ends quickly.”  Maybe it’s a future goal, like “I hope I can PR my dead lift this week.”  Or maybe it’s a long term wish, like “I hope we have a happy and healthy year!”  

Whatever it is I always go with the first thing I think of because clearly that’s where I should focus my energy at the moment…that’s what my subconscious is telling me.  Wishes give me optimism, give me hope, and generally put a smile on my face.  I have the tendency to be a pessimistic person, so if I can look at that glass as half full for even one minute, it helps.  It also helps me connect to B even if he doesn’t know it 🙂

So on today, November 11th (11-11) make a wish.  Think about something you hope for, someone you love, anything…just wish.

Oh, a world of wishes.
A world where dreams come true.
So make a wish, see it through. 
Dare to do what dreamers do

Wishes, 
Dream a dream 
Wishes, 
Set it free 
Wishes,
Trust your heart,
Just believe

– Wishes (Walt Disney World)

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